Happy (almost) Mother’s Day, friends!
So listen, fashion finds and recipes are all good and well, but today I wanted to talk about something that speaks to my heart.
Actually, I want to talk about what feels like my whole heart.
Being a mom to my daughter, Isla.
I only began being a mom a mere 21 months ago, but it feels like I’ve been doing this whole mom-business for considerably longer (as I’m sure it does for a lot of people). If you’re not familiar with my journey to being a mom, you can get a snippet of it here.
Needless to say, it was a long road to become a mom. Painstaking, (seemingly) endless, and joyful and beautiful.
Last year, I shared how this time of year comes with bittersweet emotions for me, and I can’t say I feel considerably differently this year. It is not lost on me how many people struggle to get pregnant, have miscarriages, don’t have as many children as they may want, or (sh*t) maybe even wind up with more than they bargained for.
So much of the stuff that comes along with Mother’s Day can be so hard. And again, please revisit this post if you want to know my thoughts on that.
But that’s not what today is about. Today I wanted to write something about Mother’s Day that my daughter can refer back to and know just how different she has made me.
So here’s what I know so far:
Being a mom is so easy and so difficult.
It’s beautiful and the most fulfilling thing in the world, and the most anxiety-provoking thing you’ll ever do in your life.
It’s constant assuredness, met with continuous second-guessing.
It’s looking at your child having butterflies in your stomach, knowing how incredible they are and how much you adore them.
And it’s terrifying because you could never imagine a world without them.
It’s feeling like you have it down, to wondering what alien you’re encountering next.
It’s seeing them laugh and giggle and feeling like your heart is going to explode one moment, and seeing them fall on their face and your heart absolutely sink because you don’t want them to feel a bit of pain.
It’s the balance of trying to help them be strong and learn to soothe themselves, but not wanting to refuse the time that all they want is for you to hold them and protect them.
It’s exciting and riveting to see them learn and grow, and heart-wrenching because they’re growing up and will never be *this* little again. They’ll never be this same person again.
It’s wondering if they’ve eaten enough and have enough nutrients one second, to looking at thigh rolls and thinking you’re just killing it at feeding your kid.
It’s them driving you absolutely bonkers and you thinking that you can’t wait til they’re asleep so you can actually get stuff done, to going through your phone looking at pics and watching videos of them once they finally are in that great slumber, just missing them.
It’s losing sleep. Whether it be out of worry, because your kid woke up throughout the night, because you’re trying to have alone time with your spouse, or even just waking up early in the morning out of anticipation of them waking up soon. But then you see their beautiful, smiling face in the morning and it all melts away and you’re awake again.
It’s the most thankful and joyful job ever because they just adore you and light up your life, and it’s the most thankless job there is in a lot of ways. The delicious meals that end up on the floor, the endless diapers that are changed, the whole taking care of another life in every way – generally speaking – that goes unacknowledged.
It’s buying new clothes and seeing your babe grow and being so excited that they fit into something new, to packing their old things away and realizing they’ll never wear them again.
It’s trying to teach them how to properly say a word for months – like “bunny” when they say “nunny,” and one day they wake up and just say it to you, clear as day, and you wish they’d go back to saying Nunny.
It’s trying to get them to each next milestone, like crawling or walking, to wishing they’d just be in your arms again.
It’s having your heart LIVE outside of your body. This was my biggest revelation. It’s the truest and most accurate thing I can say about being a mom. My world stops and starts with this amazing little girl.
It’s the most rewarding experience one can ever have. And anyone who says otherwise is an idiot. And is squandering what they have.
I am so grateful to be a mom. It’s the single greatest accomplishment of my life. I always felt like there was some bigger purpose for me than whatever I was. And being a mom to Isla has shown me that that was a gazillion percent true. She fulfills me. She makes me greater and better. She pushes me, she challenges me, and she melts me.
I am so thankful for the pure joy and love this girl brings into my life. And today, I just felt like I should share it.
Happy Mother’s day to all of you.